"Last year I was supposed to be part of the Jaunt’s summer camp but I had some weird medical scare that made me too nervous to travel. Ended up being a nonissue in the long run but with our limited medical care here in New Mexico it’s better to be safe than sorry. This time around I was supposed to go to a lovely farm north of San Diego but I ended up getting sick 4 days before the trip so we landed on sending me somewhere close where I could just rest and heal in the solitude of the mountains. It was a pretty peaceful exploration we had planned so I just expected space to relax and heal.

I really enjoyed the slower pace in the Sandia Mountains, the tall pine trees, and the silence. I wouldn’t say it surprised me as much as reminded me how much I miss that environment. I guess the one thing that surprised me is my own fear. I forget what it’s like to be alone. Hiking trails alone seems lovely at first until I’m a couple miles in and I have not seen another human around me for a while. A nice walking stick at least helps me think I could ward off a bear if need be. But facing those fears is always lovely.

Inspired by my experiences I created this dancing figure surrounded by flowers. I found myself walking around the property in my skirt and long fabrics, in what felt like a judgment free zone where I could just be. There is a freedom that comes with being alone, my daily schedule always shifts to that of my single self, staying up late, sleeping in. Now without a teenager to take to school, dogs to feed or walk, and a husband to check in on. So I was inspired by that freedom. The freedom to just be. To be a human, spinning in the wind with no cares in the world. Like a child. It’s difficult not to be inspired by such freedom these days."

Thursday, August 15, 2024

Today was a half day, settling in. The place is a nice rustic basement/lower level apartment/cabin. Surrounded by giant trees, a horse barn, wild flowers and big skies. I can feel myself relaxing with each moment, though there has been bear sightings recently so I was a little on edge while hiking around and checking out the property. 

At the end of the suns light, the temps are dropping beautifully and a light breeze is now being felt. The place has a stone fire place, big wood beams and a lot of old craftsman touches, really makes for a comfortable setting and a good place to rest and heal. I’m starting to feel a bit better today but still taking it easy. Tomorrow I’ll get out and check out some of the local trail heads and some scenic spots. Take some photographs and gather random references for possible future works. 

Friday, August 16, 2024

It’s funny because I think, like a lot of artists, our job makes for a very solitary work life. For me I’m alone in the studio day after day but I’m busy. It’s work. I don’t feel lonely, I don’t feel alone. I feel occupied, my time is occupied, my mind is occupied, my hands are occupied, there is little room for anything but the moment I’m in. Yet I continually crave alone time. 

That alone time is obviously become down time, alone. Not working. Nature, while inspiring and motivating, is also relaxing, away, in that moment, without the busy work of art. Moments can still turn into paintings, or even just sparks of ideas but mostly I just want them to be for me. My own moments, that are for no one else. Not to be explained or shared, not to be conceptualized and documented but just things for myself that I can hold near when the world feels overwhelming. 

I love being home alone, because it’s all the conveniences of home, but being in nature has me alert, observant, focus on now. Not the comforts of home that are a safety away from needing to be focused. There are no fears or concerns at home, alone. 

I find myself on trails, alone and I have to squash fears of going to far, of pushing myself. I’m really good at thinking things like “what if I have a heart attack out here and no one knows” as if it would really even matter, I’d be dead. Side note I have a weird obsession with needing people to know if I’m dead. Haha, much more so than them needing to know I’m alive. I don’t far the act of death so much but I don’t want to leave a rotting corpse behind and ruin someone’s day. So these are the thought I’m on. Despite that last one, being morbid, it’s generally a relaxing moment. There is little to no noise here besides the very occasional car and the rustling of critters in the bushes. In the back of my mind, knowing there have been recent bear sightings does make me glad to have a walking stick for protection. Cause that’ll scare them I’m sure. Oh no! He’s got a stick! Run! 

Saturday, August 17, 2024

Today was a day of rest. Realizing I’d busied myself with doing for the last couple days made me slow down today. I did a couple small trails but at a very leisurely pace, no pushing. Less taking photos and more just enjoying the nature. There were some light showers on my hike, just passing small cells that left little to no trace behind them. 

I’d woken up around 5am, which is unusual for me. Went outside and there was this deep owl hooting in the night. Echoing down the canyon. I have no idea how far away it was. Sounded like it could have been 20 feet tall and miles away. I found a small local plant nursery that has a shop and serves breakfast at 7:30. I was the first customer, sat in the morning sun and watched the workers busy themselves with the days work. I drove some random back roads and then headed back to the cabin for a later morning nap to try and catch up for the sleep lost in getting up so early. 

Couple hours later I drove up the mountain a little ways for the said hike, watching the small storm clouds roll through and so. After went back to the cabin and sat in a patio chair in the rain watching the way the sun was bouncing off the waters movement. Spent most the afternoon doing much do the same, rest, stillness, walking the property a bit and then settled in for some dinner and called it a day. I’ll likely head outside a few times tonight to see the big full moon and soak in my last two nights of these foothills.